Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
