Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
