oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
