Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize