she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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