he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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