i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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