I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
