Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
