Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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