so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
