So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
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