Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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