I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
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