I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
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