i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
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