I just made out with a guy for $7.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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