giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
