I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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