I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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