don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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