It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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