you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize