And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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