you guys were way drunker than both of me
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
