I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
