question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
even my farts smell like vagina
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Boobs are out for the taking
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
3 2 1 whiskey
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
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