Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
