I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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