she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
