Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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