i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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