Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
