So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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