If i come over, it means nothing
1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize