if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
