I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
