why didn't you poke me back
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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