im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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