So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
