gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
