so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
