BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
The beer is more important than you right now.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
