Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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