taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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