Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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