But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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