hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
