absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
youre lurking in front of me
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
