just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
