I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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