What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i just had sex bonerless
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
