If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
