All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
