Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
