From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
God, I missed his penis.
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