so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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