I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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