I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I didn't shave. On purpose
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize