i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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