I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
