so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Randomize
