The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
