So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
