Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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