Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
