I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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