when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Randomize
