CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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