I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
