is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize