Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
So vagazzling was a success
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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