you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
