Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
