HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
