I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
